What Makes a Great Relationship

I believe the greatest romantic relationships happen when two friends become passionate friends. A successful relationship is about trust and respect and valuing your partner’s contributions.  It is about growing together and sharing new experiences, which creates a formidable bond.  Over time, those shared memories become irreplaceable.  However, we all know that all relationships have their ups and downs.

What happens when one partner is going through tough times?  What if money troubles or other conflicts develop?  You partner needs to solve his/her own issues.  As far as money goes, you have to avoid financial traps, like taking out too big of a mortgage.  That is a stress that relationship doesn’t need. When there is a difference of preferences and a win-win result isn’t possible, try to think about compromise in the sense of who cares about this the most.  It is not necessary to win all the battles – only the ones you care about.  If two people take that approach, it’s amazing how many things really don’t matter a lot in the scheme of things.  However, it takes two to do this tango.

The acid test of a great relationship is two independent individuals who are even stronger as a team.  Long-term relationships are about teamwork.  If they weren’t why bother getting into one? Just stay single.  That way you won’t have to compromise, and you won’t have to work at things.  You won’t get the job and deep satisfaction that comes from sharing and growing together – but life is about choices.  (I’ve made my choice and I’m very happy about it.)  I never forget that my key to a great relationship is to keep things fresh – and have fun together!

Healthier Relationship with Yourself

I think support networks are an essential part of life.  Have you ever noticed how some people are hard to “read” even after two or three meetings? I like to believe I’m pretty honest and open with others.  I think that most other people are that way with most of the people they meet – to a certain degree, of course.  Perhaps people are closed and unreceptive and “opaque” due to shyness or have been badly burned by a former relationship (social or business).  They are just naturally shy or reticent with strangers.  It could be their values don’t include openness, honesty and trust.  If their values don’t include these things, then clearly those values will not be shown to others.  But even more important, it will be hard for them to have a good, open and honest relationship with themselves.

It could be they are not comfortable in their own skin.  A lot of people have trouble being alone.  But self-respect is only half of the equation.  Most important is respect and trust for others.  Empathy adds to those critical elements.  It really helps if someone can put themselves in your shoes.  Empathy allows for better understanding, better dialogue and that ultimately leads to a better relationship.  Empathetic, active listeners will hear and understand our issues better, but that doesn’t require them to buy-in or to our point of view.  In fact, our empathetic mentors often have very different perspectives than ours – that is one of things I value about them.

They listen carefully and respectfully, think broadly, offer insights and then often have a different but valuable take on a subject.

People who know themselves know their values.  They have usually done a fair amount of soul-searching or self-analysis.  They quietly project their values for others to see, and insist that others respect them for having those standards.

Looking for Mentors

Look at the circle of people around – don’t go looking at a celebrity, or the unattainable for inspiration.  Find out what you are passionate about and then find someone who already shares that passion.  I like to think that I am a mentor for my younger brother and when it comes to relationships, what goes around comes around.  Self-esteem or self-worth seems like such an obvious personal trait to possess to everyone who opens his/her eyes to it.

More Information

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